Author: rakheekissoon

If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her:

• There’s no need to rush anything. It will all happen for you.
• Some mistakes are worth making – like loving.
• Kiss him.
• A lot of the arguments you’ll have in your relationship aren’t because he didn’t love you. They happened because he didn’t know how to explain himself in a way that you would understand.
• He really does love you. Stop doubting it.
• Eat before discussing a big topic, you’ll both be nicer to each other that way.
• When you’re both angry with each other, remind him that you love him (this applies to children too).
• A hug can solve a lot of problems.

Someone recently asked me what has changed in me as I got older. The answer is that I’m more tired, and this tiredness has made me treasure peace so much more. I’m too old for conflict, drama, and dishonest people.
I have become very selective of who I let into my space.
I honor those who give me respect, and I give them respect in return.
I appreciate those who give me time, and I give them time in return.
I value those who give me love, and I return their love to show that I value them.
I don’t play silly games to get attention. I focus on what makes me happy. I try to be kind to others, understanding that they don’t need to be kind in return. I try to help others without trying to change anyone. I focus only on changing myself to become the type of human being I am comfortable with.
I chase no one, but I’m grateful for the ones who have chosen to be around me.
Because as you get older, you get tired, and you understand that energy is not something that should be wasted on menial worthless things. So, you learn to give your energy to the things that bring you peace.
I wish you peace, my friends.

An interesting thing occurred to me recently. A well-intentioned wish from you can be interpreted or misinterpreted based on who you speak it to. For example, saying (in a neutral tone), “I hope you receive the same treatment you give to others”, will be appreciated by some, while others will feel insulted.
Why does that happen?
Interpretation. Everyone has a voice in their head, and that voice colours what is said to them. Our stories tint our view of the world.
I recently saw a quote that said, “Heal so you can hear what is being said without the filter of your wounds” (Dr. Thelma Bryant).
I wish you the strength to heal, my friends, so that you may be able to perceive the world with a clear lens and have a healthier relationship with yourself and others.

‘Big girls don’t cry,’ they say, ‘Big boys don’t cry.’
But they get sad. Don’t they? They get tired.
Like beasts who grow in darkness, our feelings locked away become monstrous.
If we have the courage to open the doors that block us from our feelings, we will come face to face with our own selves. Hurt versions of ourselves that needed attention, but that got neglected instead.
In this false but popular narrative of protecting ourselves from our feelings, we learn to be ‘strong’ by becoming numb. In the process, we stunt our own emotional growth. More than that, when we block our pain, we also limit our happiness as they are the two sides of the same entity.
It is ironic that people tell us ‘Big girls don’t cry’ and ‘Big boys don’t cry’. The truth is really that scared boys don’t cry, and scared girls don’t cry. Because it takes courage to face our vulnerabilities. It takes courage to let that pain sucker punch us while we breathe through it.
Be courageous, my friends. Face your feelings. Breathe through them. Write them down. Cry them out. Be hurt. Talk about it.
Pause a bit.
And when you’re ready, move on as a stronger, emotionally healthier person.

Why do we tend to define multidimensional things in simplistic terms?
A relationship is considered a ‘success’ if it never ends, but a ‘failure’ if it does. Thus minimalising all the happiness found therein simply by the outcome.

We do the same with people, needing to categorize them as either good or bad.

Do you remember that quote by Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight?
He said with incredible foresight:
‘You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.’

My point is that the ending should not define the whole.

If a relationship ends, it doesn’t nullify the beautiful moments that existed while it lasted.
If a person messes up, like humans tend to do, it doesn’t negate all the good they did.

While we acknowledge and learn from the bad, we shouldn’t forget that there was once good, and it was quite wonderful.

What if you got a second chance?
Will you have the courage to take it?
Someone recently told me that I should stop being resentful and just have the courage to go after what I want.
It’s easy to make an effort for things that don’t matter but scary as hell to pursue what you want most.
Isn’t that interesting?
It’s like we believe that as long as we don’t try, we can’t say we didn’t lose.
But we can lose. Because time eventually runs out. Life eventually runs out. And we are placed in our coffins with an array of unlived dreams just because we were too scared to try.
Don’t settle for a mediocre life, my friends.
Be brave.
Take the chance this time.

Have you ever heard about minimalism? It entails living with only what adds value to your life and removing the rest.
Several years ago, an event occurred that reshaped me completely. The big flood of 2018 took almost everything we owned. I literally had only two outfits – both were what we would call ‘home-clothes’. These included what I was wearing at the time and what I stuffed in a bag to evade the flood. I remember going into Pennywise and looking homeless (which, I kind of was for a while). So much so that the well-meaning salesgirl directed me to cheaper brands than the ones I was browsing. I went home and cried.
Certain things will forever be etched in my mind – the unkindness of some and the kindness of others.
It was a period of great pain for me and my family.
One of the biggest lessons we learned at that time was how little we actually needed to live.
I didn’t need a lot of the things I owned. And all that I truly needed was still there.
My friends, there are so many things we hold on to – physically and emotionally – that are completely unnecessary. All they do is clutter our lives and weigh us down.
Philosophers will even say that if your life is filled with unnecessary things, then there’s no space left for new things. For new energies.
I leave you with these questions – What do you really need to live? What are you ready to let go of?

I want to save the world. But, sometimes, it feels like no matter how much I do, the world still crumbles around me.
There’s a story about a little boy trying to save turtles as they hatch on a beach. Most baby turtles don’t survive because they don’t even make it to the water. Even though this boy was trying, many of them were going the wrong way, and he could not save them all. His sister, observing him, pointed out that no matter how hard he tried, many of the turtles weren’t going to make it, and his efforts did not matter. Cradling a baby turtle in his hands, the boy responded, “It matters to this one.”
My friends, the kind things you do – they matter. Always remember that.
But I don’t want to stop there, I want to take this one step further.
Mother Teresa once said that if you want to change the world, go home, and love your family.
And, therein, I believe, holds the answer for saving the world.
❤️